Untitled 3

RED HAT SHOOT OUT

NO WASHOUT

The 1991 Red Hat Shoot Out at Lizard's Place has come and gone. The Weather was forecast to rain, flood, thunderstorm, drizzle, soak and other wise drown anyone dumb enough to camp the weekend of May 25, 26 & 27.««Lizard who is known to say "If I can talk to God for just 5 minutes I can get into Heaven" must have talked to God for 15 seconds. The rain was pretty rough early Saturday morning, but the rest of the time it just looked bad. We did have one pretty good shower for 15 minutes Saturday evening. The good thing was that Lizard was seen to get hit with some rain so he smelled better the next day.

29 Redhats, Wives, Friends and Children showed up for the festivities.

LIZARD'S LAW RULES AGAIN

As usual some of the events were thought up on the spot. One was the Fred Martin target. One particularly tough target that Lizard couldn't hit was picked by the "Big L" to be shot by Fred Martin. If Fred hit the target we all had to shoot it. If Fred missed the target we all passed on to the next target. Fred took a mountain of cheap shit from Big L and the rest of us while we waited for all the shooters to gather around and watch. (Fred doesn't care how much guff he gets because he has ¬earplugs in and can't hear a word anyway.) Fred bore down and aimed, we all waited, Lizard didn't say much, not a leaf stirred, the birds stopped singing, KLATCH. Lizard yelled "NEXT" and we all went on to the next target.

LIZARD LOVES PERCUSSION GUNS

One of the targets was shot with the next Red Hat's gun. Lizard traded with Don Kettlekamp. Don was shooting a .54 Cal Percussion with 130 grains of powder. (His hunting load!) Lizard steps up and shoulders the gun. KaBlam. Lizard yells," Damn that goes off as quick as an AK. I like it!" He next says that next year everybody has to wear Mountain Man Stuff and carry a Percussion Hawken. We all remind him (forcefully) that Percussion guns are still new and that they probably won't catch on. Watch for Lizard to start sneaking out to shoot Percussion Guns when no one is watching.

WOMEN SHOOTERS SHOW STYLE

We had two women shooter's during the match. Jeremiah Jane was her usual obnoxious self, hitting the targets I missed and generally keeping us all up to the mark. JJ was the one that finished cutting the 2 X 4 in half in the team shoot and one of the few shooters to do the Lizard's Law Target where if you missed hitting the sucker you lost any tokens you might have won on the previous two targets.

The other shooter was Lee Ann Roberts. Lee Ann was shooting her husband's old Squirrel rifle for the first time and was having some trouble with it the first day. She didn't say much, but stuck with it and started making friends with the gun. The second day of the shoot she was hitting most of what she shot at (better than the Big L). Next Lee Ann tried the clay birds with a Fowler. She had never shot at a clay bird in her life. First shot, pieces of clay bird all over the sky. Lee Ann's

smile was bright enough to sun bathe in.

Note to Ricky (Lee Ann's worse half), if she gets any better you can do the cooking and let her do the shooting.

BOY LOST IN 6" TALL CORN

Fred Martin brought his 6 year old son Will, along for the Shoot. Like any 6 year old he got bored quick. Fred was trying to watch Will and shoot too. Normally Will was no more than 200 yards away in the middle of poison ivy or stinging nettles, so we didn't worry about him much. When we went up on the hill to the Clay bird shoot, Dad lost sight of Will. Fred went tearing down to the rifle range to find Will. Will wasn't there, he was standing in the middle of a field of 6" tall corn on top of the hill. He had pulled 1/2 Acre of the seedlings up and was getting ready to finish the rest of the field when he was found. Suggested camp name for Will, Agent Orange.

GRAMPS GETS PIMPS LEGGINS

Baron Von Heck or Gramps less formally, had Little Big Man make him a set of leggins. LBM wanted to make a truly memorable set of

leggins for a truly memorable Red Hat. With the aid of Dorothy egging him on he made a set of leggings that any Inner City Pimp would be proud of. Made of snow white tanned leather with dinner plate sized "Tandy Stainless Steel" Concho's and Blue Ribbon, Gramps looked like an Eldorado in heat just walking around. Fortunately the only time we saw it was around the camp fire (two candles, the wood was too wet to burn much). Gramps came out and did a little Indian Two Step around the circle. The moon came out just then. The glow from those gaudy concho's almost put my eyes out. Gramps, only wear those leggins at night. You could blind the whole camp if you wore them at high noon.

MESSAGE FROM LIZARD

You guys can't shoot for shit. The Red Hats are supposed to be an Elite Band of Shooters. We are not supposed to be a club of has beens resting on our butts talking about how great we were. I'm as guilty as anyone, but starting Wednesday I'm taking all my guns to the bench and I'm going to start practicing until I can kick everybodies ass again. If we go to the Eastern shooting like this we will get laughed out of camp. I want all you guys to get your shit together and do some quality practicing. Practice dry firing with a wooden flint. Hold your rifle up for one minute at a stretch aiming at a mark on the wall. Do this for 25 times a day. Do it every day I don't want to see any of you ‑‑‑‑heads shooting this bad again.

SPECIAL NOTICE

Jeremiah Jane (Jenny Rosemeyer) is now married to Adam Slover. They spent part of their Honeymoon at the Red Hat shoot this year. Since they met at Lizard's camp I reckon it was only natural.

First time campers welcomed. Nailman's (David Stahl) wife Anita, Don Kettlekamps' wife Clemmie and my wife Mary Kay showed up for their first taste of rendezvousing. They were treated to Lizard forgetting to put his pants on all day Sunday (unforgettable), and Gramps in his Pimp Leggins (totally unforgettable). They all seemed to have fun.

Shit Prize awarded. Gramps tried to win the prize by putting bottled Horse Shit on the Prize Blanket. Adam Slover tho' won out in Lizard's Law

HIGH NOTE HEARD

Breeahn, Lizard's daughter, was mildly upset when Ellenore tried to remove her from the camp and head for home and bed. She announced her displeasure with a scream that must be experienced to be believed. I do think that the scream (one octave higher and only dogs and bats could hear it) could open a canned ham. We were very fortunate to be drinking out of mugs and whiskey bottles instead of crystal goblets when she cut loose. Suggested Camp Name "Little Screech Owl".

NEW CONTEST TRIED

Lizard tried a new wrinkle on the flint and steel contest. We were divided into 4 teams and were told to build a real fire. Lizard had built 4 stakes with a dowel rod in it. Each dowel rod was horizontal, 6" above the ground. The idea was that the first team to burn their dowel in half was the winner. The only rules were, that no wood could touch the dowel rod. The team I was on learned some dandy tricks to use next year. We also won the contest. Lizard got to pick the teams first and came in 2^nd.

THE OVER THE HILL GANG

As you know, Once you are past 40 it is patch, patch, patch. Late Sunday night Lizard was holding forth to some of the Red Hats. He was commenting on our shooting. (See Message From Lizard.) As I looked around I realized that we were all in pretty bad shape. We had Dave Brattin with his bad knees (just out of surgery). Marvin Phelps was having problems with his back. Everett with his bad back and Charlie Horse and ô ulcer. Lizard, 130 pounds overweight, bad knees, bad breath, bad eyes. Several others with weight problems. Myself just recovered from Pneumonia. I realized that we had one of the greatest advantages in the world on the shooting line. The other shooters will look at us and figure that we are over the hill and will underestimate us. All we "oldtimers" will have to do is shoot great and we can make them choke on it.

Lizard's gun has been helping him for years. Many times people have looked at Rustaway and laughed. Some were laughing up until Lizard picked up first place. As long as they stop laughing when I pick up first place, I don't care how much they laugh before.

Special note to Roy Gerbsch (The Gay Caballero) and Gramps. I bet you found all this "oldtimer talk" amusing.

Jo Talbert turned 50. We had a surprise birthday party for him courtesy of Dorothy and Little Big Man. Dorothy cooked and decorated a huge cake and served it up to Jo Jo Saturday night. It was the first birthday party I had been to where nobody made any jokes about getting over the hill. (see above for reasons). Dorothy must have done something special to the cake. Lizard ate several (many) pieces of it and chased it with Seagrams and Sprite. Lizard got so smashed, that the wooden chest he was sitting on bucked him off once and he had to hold on to the rope handle to keep it from happening again.

Special thanks to Ellenore for cooking up the great Lasagna (is that authentic?) and feeding the whole camp.

2] ®We are all doing the Eastern again this year. Call Lizard to ask about the secret prize.

3] Next year we need more help to set up the shoot. Lizard says "If I don't get 5 helpers I won't have the damn thing.

To Jim Wilson, Roy Gerbsch's Guest, welcome to Buckskinning. Hope to see you again.

To The Gay Caballero, glad you won a new shirt. Hope you can win a new blanket next.

To Lizard. A special thanks from all of the participants. We appreciate your hard work. It's a good thing you only work that hard once a year.