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RED HATS RULE!

We came, We saw, We kicked Butt at the Eastern. The Red Hats showed up at the Eastern expecting to be skinned and run out of camp if we didn't do well.

Everett (From Nowhere) Webster, was the high winner of the show. Everett took home the Scribe's Match "Custom Gun" and another $300 in Eastern Money. When Everett wasn't bumping the rest of us down a notch into the lower paying places, everyone else was winning also. The Eastern gave away $5,000 in prizes and money for the shooting portion. The Redhats accounted for $1,500. The only big prize we didn't win was the $1,500 swivel gun that was first prize in the woodswalk.

NEW CAMP NAME GIVEN

Lizard won't do it, but, Marvin Phelps has earned a new camp name. For years Marvin has suffered under the terrible handle of Puke‑in‑Lodge. This year for the Eastern he did something that totally wiped out that name. Several of us were to meet and convoy to the Eastern. Lizard was to load his "County Car" (can't make it out of the county) and come to Indianapolis where he was to load his stuff into Marvin's truck. About 3 hours before Lizard was due in Indpls, he calls up and says that his county car won't even leave the yard. Lizard said to go on to the Eastern without him. About that time Marvin rolls in from Southern Indiana. When I give Marvin the news he put a half bag of chew in his mouth and said "I'm not goin to let Lizard off that easy. He started this and he's goin to come and finish it." With that Marvin leapt into his faithful pickup and in a cloud of dust and a Hi Yo Lizard he was off to Danville IL.

GRAMPS TAKES SLOW BOAT

With Marvin gone Gramps and I loaded up and headed East. We were to meet Jo Jo, Lenny (Wild Man) and his wife Two Mountains in Greenfield. They showed up 1 hour late due to too much beer in the trailer. The trailer was 900 pounds overweight and 280 pounds was the beer. By the time they restowed (threw) it all in the truck they were late for our meeting. Gramps and I didn't have anything else to do so we waited for them. While we were waiting, a truck with a trailer saying Gary's Gun Shop fills up at the Gas station next to us. It turned out to big Big Henry the Chief Medical Officer for the Eastern and his wife. We were chatting with them when Jo Jo and entourage arrived. So off we all went to the Eastern. (Note, both trucks and trailers were overloaded, so 55 M.P.H. was living dangerously. Gramps and I in the back of the convoy felt like we were herding drunken Elephants instead of following trailers. We hadn't gone long until we all discovered that we had CB radios. So we had a nice chat for the trip.

THE CAVALRY ARRIVES

Remember Marv and the Liz? Bet you thought I forgot them. While Gramps and I were herding Pachyderms up the Interstate things got interesting in Danville. Marvin arrived and Lizard started "packing" his stuff into the truck. By this time Lizard was his usual calm self. He started throwing the stuff in the back of the truck and Marvin rammed it home with a tent pole. Together they sort of Dryballed the entire truck. Marvin could have left the tailgate open and nothing would have fallen out. They got in the truck and headed East at 65 to 70 M.P.H.

Marvin noticed that nobody was passing him. I think he figured that he and Lizard were spitting so much Tobacco juice out the windows, that no one could pass them with out losing a paint job. Long about Cleveland they passed Gramps and I and the Circus Parade. We had a 4 hour head start and they passed us in Cleveland! Marvin was running 80 to 85 M.P.H. through Ohio (Land of the Highway Gestapo) due the wrong size tires on his truck. I don't know how they did it. When we came through Cleveland there were so many police flashers going that it looked like a Kmart special at Christmas. «I would like to offer a new camp name for Marvin Phelps. Let him be known henceforth as long as he is a Red Hat in good standing as “THE FLASH”

ANIMALS RIGHTS VIOLATED

Glenn Dickey (The Professor) from Maine brought a snack with him for the camp. He brought a half dozen live Maine lobsters with him. As soon as they were in camp we had a large fire going and soon every one was watching the Lobsters turn red in the hot water.

Marianne, the prettiest Red Hat, had never had Lobster before. Unca Lizard made sure that she had a taste before it was all gone.«¬«

JOHN GETS NO FUN

John Empie (The Baptist) was a Dog Soldier during the Eastern. It seems as though he was always on the night shift. Course that could of been because the Booshway knew how much John enjoys a fight. John was always called whenever some drunk thought he could whip the camp. I would imagine that one look at John and that grin he gets when trouble starts, probably sobered up a lot of drunks. Fortunately for the drunks, John was unable to have any Fun. Better luck next time. The bad thing about John being on the night shift, was that John was so sleepy during the day that he couldn't shoot as well as he normally does.««John did a good job as a Dog Soldier. Those of you who have never tried it should pay your dues some day.

LIZARD NAMES

When Lenny and his wife Jo Ann arrived in camp they had no camp names. Lizard took one look at Jo Ann, looked at the sun, thought real hard and came up with the name of "Two Mountains". Must have been some sort of a Mystic Dream from Manitou is all I was told. Lenny was harder to name. Lizard studied on it for days. Lenny is a real quiet type. He just sits back, drinks beer, and watches the goins on. Finally Lizard named him the Wild Man, because that was the most unfitting name he could think of.

LIZARD AND BAGO DAGO

For years Lizard and Bago Dago have been eyeing each other and baring fangs. They have never done anything, but they did have a strong case of mutual dislike. One night the Bago Dago got drunked up and came into camp. He came insulted everyone and yelled at Lizard for a while. Of course Lizard yelled right back. After a while the BD wondered off and I went to bed. During the night the Dago came back to argue some more. The decibel levels reached ear pJrotection proportions at times. They were so loud that they even drowned out Gramps snoring. The next morning Lizard and Bago Dago had both come to an understanding. Basically they both realized that the other is a bad enemy and that it would be easier to live on the face of this Earth if each left the other alone. As Lizard said "If I ever want to mess with the Bago Dago, I won't go for half measures I'll have to go for the throat."

NEW RED HAT

Frank House (or Home if you're from Arkansas) was our newest Red Hat. He and his delightful companion Lally were always a welcome change from listening to the Lizard. Frank is a very good shot. With a cool gun in a three shot match I'd bet on Frank House to beat anyone. Unfortunately his totally authentic guns aren't meant to Line Shoot 20 shots in 30 minutes. As you should know, the original sights were very low on the barrel. Frank makes his guns authentic. Frank was so frustrated with the heat waves on his barrels that I thought I heard him mutter something about going to get some TC sights.

LBM AND DOROTHY

Little Big Man didn't say much the entire Eastern, he just kept winning prize money. I believe that LBM was second only to Everett among the Red Hats in total money won. LBM could be seen at any time night or day in camp with his Thunder Mug sized cup filled with Beer, Ice and Lemon slices. Dorothy had volunteered to work the gate one day. LBM had warned her to stay away from Flatlanders Day. Dorothy didn't pay attention and wound up on gate when the hordes of Flatlanders showed up. By the time she was done at the end of the day, she was one wore out lady.

EVERETT WAS HOT

Mary got so used to Everett winning money that she got to treating him like a Money Machine at the Bank. Everett would come sauntering up to camp after a shoot and Mary would ask him, "How much did you get this time Everett?". Everett would just smile and hold up another bag full of 1991 Eastern Rendezvous tokens. Instead of money we won tokens. The tokens were to be accepted as money by the Registered Traders. I think the Eastern did well because I know I kept one $10 token as a souvenir as did many others.

Lizards doctor (Dr. Diet or Die) gave Lizard some medicine and some instructions. Take the medicine regularly and if you drink alcohol with it you will die. Even Lizard listens to advice like that. We noticed that Lizard sober talks just as much and as fast as Lizard drunk. Most of us had never seen Lizard sober in camp before so it was quite an event.

Steele's wife was the scribe at the Eastern. The Chief Range Officer (CRO) wanted to get up a big group to march up the hill and escort her down to the range for the big Scribes Match. He asked Lizard if the Red Hats would participate. Lizard reluctantly said we would. When the CRO turned his back Lizard lit up. He wouldn't tell us what he was going to do, but he wanted all of us ready early the next morning.««Next morning the CRO came by to see if we were ready. Lizard told him to give us another 15 minutes. As soon as the CRO was out of sight we saddled up and ran as fast as Lizards fat little legs would lead us up to the Scribe's Lodge. When we got there we "Kidnapped" her and started to lead our own parade down the hill without the CRO or the 25 Scotsmen that were supposed to make up the parade. We got about 100 yards from her camp when the CRO and his club appeared in front of us. About that time the 25 Scotsmen appeared on our left flank. Lizard coolly ordered us to kneel in ranks with our weapons at the ready. With a little negotiation we managed to lead the parade. Lizard, the Scribe and several other Red Hats rode in a wagon down the hill. The rest of the Redhats marched in front of the wagon. The Scotsmen? those hungover derelicts had march behind the wagon in the horse shit all the way to the shooting range. We were lookin good and standing proud. The only problem was that Ron Tolles the New Jersey Red hat (called "New Jersey" of course) was in the rank just in front of the team of Belgians coming down the hill. He got horse slobber all over the back of his neck on the downhill trek.

Marvin Phelps "The Flash", was not shooting Muzzleloader well at all. Fortunately the Eastern had a Primitive Weapons shoot. Flash had brought his Competition Long Bow and his entire bow kit. He showed up at the primitive shoot against people with short Plains Bows and home made arrows. The Flash finally won some money so he could go home.««««

Well, as usual the Lizard found something to be pissed off about. He was looking at all of the elegantly dressed Eastern Longhunters and then he would look at our Pig Farmer costumes. Then he would see more Longhunters. Finally he couldn't stand it anymore.

We look like a bunch of damned farmers. If we are so great then we need to look great. We don't want to look like a bunch of Pig Farmers or Amish with guns, we want to look like Longhunters. Starting next year. Nobody wears a Red Hat unless they are in Longhunters getup. That goes especially for you, Everett From Nowhere.

Now my question is, has anyone ever seen a picture of a Fat Longhunter? I believe we RedHats will be dressed in Longhunter Garb and Lizard will be dressed as an Old Fat Shorthunter. Lizard is a Longhunter wannabee.

To the Red Hot, Red Hat Sexytary from Denver. When you send a cover letter with all the Colorado Red Hat addresses, send the list with it. I still don't have the mailing list. I've been moved to Madison Wisconsin. I'll keep this newsletter going, but I may have a hard time making it to Friendship. If you want to see your name in this letter, better drop me a line.

Be prepared for an announcement from the Lizard. He has been footing the bill for the phone calls and the postage for all of the mailings. (The postage runs up to $60.00 per mailing.) Lizard is planning on coming up with a membership fee for the Red Hats. Considering the Bullshit that you often get from the NMLRA for your money, anything that we send Lizard will be well spent. In addition Lizard will no longer be giving the Red Beret out for free to new members.

Lizard has planned a "National Red Hat Shoot" at Friendship. The tentative date is to be the 4 days over the Memorial Day Holiday. We will shoot the standard Friendship targets. Lizard is having some discussions with Red Man Chew about a sponsorship. If Red Man comes up with enough money we may become the Red Man‑Red Hats. Lizard seems to have started something that could become real big.««One nice thing about a major shoot on this date is that we will have all the water we need to run the Hooters. In addition we will not have to mess with the Flea Market.