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FROM THE LIZARD

Tales of the Northeastern Rendezvous

Plans were made to go, then I had some “family problems” and couldn’t and then I did, Oh Well! The North Eastern this year was one of the best I have been to. If I get a ride every year, I won’t ever miss one. You guys keep your vehicles in good running order.

The Widowmakers who where there were: Professor, Preacher, Tennessee Whip, Vermont (booshway), Jim Fulmer, Hugo from Belgium (Snake Man) and of course the incredible Lizard. There is so much to tell that I am going to do it by subject matter, so this report won’t be 30 pages long. Here we go.

Hugo: One day around camp I was looking in the tall grass and Hugo said “What are you looking for, snakes?”. I said “Yes” and Hugo gave me a strange look. The Whip said “There’s one” and I reached down and got it and threw it to him. Hugo’s eyes bugged out, and he squatted down, and crossed his arms in front of his face. To Hugo’s delight he reached down and picked up a big rubber water moccasin. I wished I had a camera to get the look in Hugo’s face.

Two days later the Professor (Dickey) came over and gave me a real snake. This time Hugo was sitting in a chair when I asked him if he wanted a snake. Hugo said “Oh yeah” and I tossed the snake, alive alive oh, on his chest and Hugo thinking it was just another rubber snake didn’t move. The snake fell in his lap then crawled down his leg and headed for the tall grass. Hugo froze like a rock and said “That was a good one” translation it was alive alive oh. The Whip and I laughed the whole day. Hugo from Belgium is now the Snake Man.

Duke: The Professor’s wife’s new name. Really easy to come up with, her first name is Patty.

Preacher: The Preacher cooked supper for Whip, Preacher and me, one night and had in the menu, fried potatoes. Preacher served us supper and the Whip stuck his fork into a very hard potato. Whip yelled that “these taters aren’t done.” Preacher yelled back, “Well they were done, must have gotten hard again.”

Crash: We met a very nice lady whose name is Evelyn Chase, who hails from Maine. I was going to nickname her “Chase” (her real last name) because that sounded neat. That night I got a “little” drunk and kept calling her Crash all night long. The next day she crashed into the professor’s table, so her new name is “Crash.” Also, Crash is a new member of the Widowmakers. She is a hell of a shot, and I think they said that she won the state match in Maine. I took her primer horn down to Skip Hamaker and he scrimshawed “Crash” on it for her. Crash is coming to Friendship in September and that will be neat. I think it will be her first time. Come over and meet her. Crash is not only a neat person. She is a RN. We can use a RN in our club, especially in the condition Max, Fred, and Professor are in.

High Cotton People and High Cotton Camp: Crash was camped next to the Professor and Duke, (more on Duke later) with some people I know only as the Falcon and Frozen Charlotte. I knew these people were High Cotton right off. (definition: high cotton=$$$) I knew right away because of the words I have never heard before, like Perrier (some kind of special drinking water) lemon tea drops, crumpets, tea cookies and chicken al la Gucci. Their camp was perfect, and they had white pillars in front of their tent, like at the White House. The final thing that they did proved I was right. The Frozen Charlotte cooked up some orange tea cookies, and Crash cooked up some strawberry and short cake in a Dutch oven. I’m telling you, it was the best eating I’ve ever had. These people made “for me” one of the best times I’ve ever had at a rendezvous and they are all new to Buckskinning. Maybe I will change my opinion on new Buckskinners. One last thing, “The Falcon” made a bet with me (foolish man) and lost. His new name is “Mr. Buzzard.”

Jersey: As usual Jersey cooked up his famous Pheasant and rice, but something went amiss this time. The bird was as dry as sandpaper and the flavor was like newspaper. After we ate supper, everybody told Jersey how great it was. I told him it tasted like shit. We all went back to the Professors camp and rolled on the ground with the cramps, and puked until we turned blue. It’s OK Jersey we still love you and that’s a fact.

Crash: Crash bought me a bottle of something delicious. It had two lizards molded into the bottle and a picture of two lizards on the label. I lost the bottle, sorry Crash.

Club update on health: The Professor is using a half pound of salt on every meal. Fred Martin’s stress factor is zero and his hernia is going to blow up. Jim Fulmer’s brain is working faster than his mouth. Don’t be the next man on the Death Strip. You would be sorely missed.

Watermelon Shine: Some West Virginian came over and was selling some watermelon moonshine. We dickered over the price. Preacher gave me $50.00 and said “Go get it” (That Preacher is a great guy) The West Virginian told me to go get a “sack” to bring it back in. I’m thinking “bag” so I asked Crash if she wanted to go. She jumped up and said “sure.” It went right over her head. I didn’t know what to say, so off Crash and I went over the hill to get the shine. On the way there I told her what had happened. She punched me on the shoulder and we went on down the hill.

Preacher: One night we left the Professor’s camp (the Preacher and I) and we had to walk across a pile of large rocks to get to our camp. The Preacher was ahead of me and he lost his balance. The Preacher started falling (it looked like it was in slow motion!) and it sounded as if the Empire State Building was falling on all those rocks. The Preacher fell and rocks flew everywhere. He was OK though and we went on to camp. The next day I crossed the same path to the Professor’s camp and where the big rocks “were,” there was nothing left but gravel. Neat, it was a lot easier to cross.

Duke: Duke asked me to hold up this heavy wooden cooler lid while she could get something out of it. While I was holding the lid up, Crash pulled a knife on me (must have been something I said) I immediately went into a disarming posture with lightning speed and a swift action to protect my “thinning body,” and let go of the lid, and it fell on Duke’s hands. Duke said “#^&$@ *#@$%.” Back to normal, sort of!

Margie: While we were at the rendezvous a pretty blonde was running all over the rendezvous site and never stopping. Ever time you would look up. She was going by full tilt. One day she had a pink outfit on, and it struck me where I had seen this before. She was like the pink ‘Energizer Bunny’. She just kept going and going. I don’t know how she does it. So we all called her the Energizer Bunny. One night the Energizer Bunny came over to the High Cotton camp and we found out that her name was Margie. There were about 15 of us sitting around the fire and the conversations were about the pockets the ladies wear, and my balls hanging low and me not wearing underwear. Anyway, after much debate I was given a pocket by Frozen Charlotte to wear and experiment with to hold ‘me’ up. It would be like a ‘G’ string for the Lizard. Also, Margie likes to be wrapped up in Saran Wrap. No, I didn’t ask why; “Right.”

Whip: The Whip got dressed in his kilt by Mrs. Fulmer at the Professor’s camp. The kilt was laid on the ground and the Whip lay on the kilt. Remember you don’t wear underwear under a kilt. The Whip stood up, his attire was adjusted and pinned up, and they both walked away hand in hand. Oh well!

Hugo: The Snake Man was mistaken for Mark Baker. (No comment)

Shot Down: A certain ‘dude’ wanted to be a Widowmaker. I thought it was a good idea, the Preacher had a bad feeling about hi, the Whip said to wait. The Whip and the Preacher were right. He was a no-no, and the Preacher was so mad at the ‘dude’ that he wanted to kill him by the end of the rendezvous.

Professor: We were all in Dickey’s camp and some guy came up to Dickey and said “are you Dickey?”. Well Dickey looked up and said “Dickey?” The guy said “yeah, Glenn Dickey.” Dickey said “Glenn! , Oh that’s me”. The Professor had forgotten his name. What a dickhead.

Vermont: We needed a wench on our wood’s walk, so I volunteered Vermont for the job. He dressed in drag and man was he ugly. Only two kids on the wood’s walk went behind the curtain with the Vermont Wench. Poor kids!

Winners: All the Widowmakers placed 1^st, 2^nd and 3^rd in most of the matches. The Tennessee Whip won the knife and hawk match with a score of 100. I was right on his ass with a score of 80. The Whip won the Aggregate and the gun that they gave away. Mrs. Fulmer nailed down the Women’s Agg. and gun.

Lizard and Whip: We both danced at the traditional dance Saturday night. We were asked to dance by a couple of beauties

Lizard: I showed next years booshway and the rest of the people the Widowmaker’s chariot race. This will be on the agenda for next years North Eastern.

Lightning: The flash in the sky hit a tree and about eight people. One little girl was sent to the hospital, but was released OK!

Pain: One man had a seizure and fell into his fire pit. I became a human bull horn, bellowing for help while another guy pulled him out and started working on him. He came back Saturday with friends and family. He was doing fine.

Crazy Man: A crazy man came in camp, and Vermont ran him out. Outside of the gate he sat down and was chanting weird shit. He said Yahweh was his guiding light and number one. Vermont told him that Yahweh was #five at his rendezvous and he (Vermont) was number one! . After the weirdo found out that Vermont was the head cheese he split. Smart weirdo.

Drunk Out: Thanks to the Professor and the Preacher we stayed drunk every night. We all partied at the Professor’s camp or the High Cotton camp next to him and Duke. I hope we didn’t wear out our welcome. One night I got so drunk, Dickey had to hold on to my staff so I could climb up it to get to my feet. I kept telling him to quit moving it. Guess who was really moving?

Virus: While we were shooting on the range a pretty lady was shooting with us when she had a couple of klatches on her flintlock. Another shooter and I said “Boy I hope that isn’t catching.” Guess what?! All down the range you could hear for five minutes klatch, klatch, klatch, kuhlatch, and klatch. Her name was Carol, but her Widowmaker name is ‘The Virus’. I took some pictures of her with my video camera. (It’s my fault she was ‘the virus’) when I got home ‘the virus’ had crept into my camera. I transferred the film onto a VCR tape and it had fuzzy lines all through it. The Virus had struck again.

Carol and Margie: These two ladies are neat as anyone can be. They both have a good sense of humor and they both helped this rendezvous be one of the best for ‘me’. The same goes for the High Cotton people and Crash. I know the rest of the members will have the shits when they read these compliments about those I have given. Oh well, I’m turning over a new leaf, A fig leaf!! A copy of our newsletter will go to Carol and Margie.

Slumber Party: Saturday night the Widowmakers had a slumber party in front Vermont’s camp. We laid out like the spokes of a wheel with the booze in the middle, like an axle. I made some Lizard Juice, Vermont sent runners to fetch the ingredients, and other people came in and laid next to me with more booze. With all the booze in the center and the Lizard Juice mixed in a cooler it was easy to get to without getting up. Vermont kept coming over and said we could go to the fire, but finally he laid down as a spoke and joined us. It was a good time. Thanks go out to Vermont and his staff, his family, and all the new friends that we met. The Tomahawk Man is next year’s Booshway and it will be another good rendezvous without any doubt, I’ll be there.

One last thing that I forgot. The Widowmakers will have a degree that shoot in. Here is how it will work.

2) Smoothbore: 5 charcoal brickets without missing one at 25 yards and three birds in a row.

4) Tomahawk: 3 throws at a playing card and cut the card each time. (One complete turn)

If you complete all of these you will be a 5^th degree Widowmaker. If you only do four you will be 4^th degree Widowmaker etc, etc.

This should get the club to practice and improve our scores all around. Members can qualify with “another member” as a witness watching at home, or Friendship or a NMLRA or local rendezvous. Of course this is on your honor.

I have designed a nice brooch to be worn on your black sash when you get the big 5. Larry Stimson is going to make these up and they are really neat looking. They will be made of sterling silver.

The Northeastern must have been a heck of a rendezvous. I haven’t had this much to put in a newsletter in years. Lizard must have really enjoyed himself. He even sounded cheerful on the phone!! Well Lizard left me a small corner to say a few things.

First, if you haven’t sent in, your $10 dues get them in soon, before the next newsletter. Dues that are not in by the next newsletter will cause you to be dropped from the mailing list.

I would like our overseas members to update or correct their addresses if they need it.

Looks like we will have a really good Widowmaker turnout for the Eastern this year. The booshway is a good man and a heck of a shooter. For those of you that go, I would suggest patterning your smoothbores with buckshot and practicing all the different ways of lighting a fire without the standard equipment. I figger that the woodswalks will be extry tricky.

Everett Webster has retired on his new place now. He has a beautiful farm down on the Ohio about 15 miles South of Friendship. He paid for about 60 Acres of land, but it is so hilly that he reckons that he actually has close to 100 Acres. They got about nine deer stands on the place and one is heated and has an easy chair. Mary has already claimed that one.

Everett and Mary threw a wing ding party to celebrate their new digs, they invited a host of friends and had a whole roast pig and two kegs of beer to feed them with.

Rendezvous friends at the party were Marvin Phelps, Blue, Bobby Blair, John the Baptist, Pat and son (from NY no less!), Russell, Allen and Julia Coon (he did the hog too), Dave and Karin Johnson, Bill and Becky Burtt, Mark Amick and a whole passel of other friendly folks.

The only problem that I experienced at the party was the chiggers. I never have gotten so many chiggers from a lawn in my life! Anyway, congratulations to Everett and Mary on their new abode.